(Kudos to anyone who knows what film the first part of the subject is from. If you don't, don't worry - it's sort of an old-ish indy film anyway.)

Ok. Here is the situation - I'll try to be as brief as possible.

1. Many of you know, I was trying to get into Studio Udon. Just a week after I had completed the lengthy project of constructing an Udon-targeted portfolio, they announced that no one should contact them about new jobs as they "had enough mouths to feed." I was waiting until I moved to my new place to contact them so.. that was a bit disheartening.

2. I re-posted my portfolio (www.shadesofcerulean.com) to be less Udon-esque. I've been near-frantically applying to just about anyone who'd take me - for needs in book illustration, comics, game art, etc. (Especially since my day job just drastically cut my hours.) I had figured my new portfolio was not nearly as bad as my old one - and may even be considered good - so it wouldn't end up with the non-feedback it did last time I sent it around a couple years ago.

3. Response this time: Almost as silent as last time so far. I have one gig for two novel covers coming up - which I appreciate greatly - but is not set to be completed/paid until November. Aside from that I have upcoming work as a colorist - with a decent starting rate. This wouldn't be too bad save the fact that since they're a small group, they aren't officially 'employing' me, which means a good deal of the money for both this and the book covers will have to be put aside for self employment tax. (So, with the time spent, it'll probably average about $5-$7 per hour.) That plus a 4-page promo (ie, done-for-free) comic that'll hopefully help to have on the resume.

And SO.. I ask.. What's wrong with my art/resume/self/everything? I'm a professional artist (note the website - not all the 'eh' art i post here) - I spent $100k of mine and other's money on art school - I'm extremely reliable - have never missed deadlines. Why is it that 90% of my classmates have awesome, extremely well-paying jobs and I'm struggling so much to get -anything-? Is there some greatly obvious problem with everything about me that I'm blind to?

I also ask.. Does anyone know of any small comic studios or book companies that may need an artist such as myself? Comic studios seem to respond most to my work - or book publishers who specialize in teen-targeted novels.

Please be brutally honest. I really -really- need my career to not die. I don't want to let down all of the people who believed in me enough to sponsor me through school. I can't just give up. I can't afford too - financially, nor in my heart.

Thanks everyone.
~ Sol